Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’ The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, he said. ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said. The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’ Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’. The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’ The Irishman replied, ‘These are Carol’s’
Here’s an immature Christmas joke my older brother told me when we were kids…
It’s Christmas eve and Santa is delivering presents. In one house, a young woman is waiting for him when he climbs down the chimney. She says to him “Santa, will you stay?” And he says “Ho ho ho, Santa’s gotta go, I got presents to deliver you know”. “Well, if I take off my gown will you stay?” and she drops her gown, standing there in her bra and underwear. “ho ho ho, Santa’s gotta go, I got presents to deliver you knoooow” he responds. “If I take off my bra, will you stay?” and she takes off her bra. “Ho ho ho, santa’s gotta go, I got presents to deliver you knoooow”. “If I take off my panties will you stay?” and she takes off her panties, standing there naked. Then Santa says “Hey hey hey, Santa’s gotta stay, can’t get up the chimney with a stiffy in his way!”.
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”