Dirty Old Man Joke
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
‘How do you feel about sex?’ he asked, rather tentatively.
‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied.
The old fellow sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered – ‘Is that one word, or two?’
A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock.
“1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife’s going to ripp my balls off” – Thinks to himself.
But as he’s trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.
“I’m just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up”
So he asks the barman for a coffe, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again, falling to the floor, this time, even harder.
At this point he realizes he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his (asleep) wife and passes out.
The next morning his wife wakes him up and starts shouting at him:
-So… how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day?
The man is 100% sure his wife was asleep when he got home so he tries to play it cool:
-Not really, just hanging with some coworkers… we didn’t drink much… just a couple of beers.
The woman starts nodding sarcastically and responds:
-The bar owner called this morning, your wheelchair’s there, you dumbfuck.